


Without You

by gryffind0r_d0rk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cedric Diggory Dies, Deadric, Harry Potter Has Nightmares, Heavy Angst, Hogwarts Fifth Year, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Oblivious Sirius Black, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Seamus Finnigan is a Little Shit, kinda just angst without a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffind0r_d0rk/pseuds/gryffind0r_d0rk
Summary: Basically, Cedric dies and Harry has to cope alone...sorta.
Relationships: Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 53





	Without You

Harry clutched the pale, lifeless body as he was teleported back to the school. He couldn't keep the tears from falling as he clenched fistfuls of the Hufflepuff's shirt. Harry didn't believe it, he _couldn't_ believe it. How could anyone be gone so quickly? Here one moment, and gone the next. 

It felt so unreal. Harry half expected the wizard to sit back up, and go about life as he always had. The Gryffindor was only vaguely aware of Cedric's parents running up to his body, or Moody taking him away. He was distraught, in a daze the entire time through their little office chat, though somehow Harry managed. 

Voldemort was back, Cedric was dead. Those were the only two things he could comprehend at the moment. Harry wished he could have been in denial just a bit longer, but there was no denying a heart that no longer beat, or an Avada Kedavra. That curse had taken too many things away from him. _Voldemort_ had taken too many things away from him. 

Summer was hardly any better. Harry hated going to sleep, all he ever saw was Cedric dropping to the ground. Then the dementor attack happened, and Harry had been expelled from Hogwarts. Then he was relocated to his godfather's house, and everything was just happening too fast. He got angry at the smallest things, and he isolated himself from nearly everyone.

"Are you alright, Harry? You seem...distracted." Harry didn't need to turn around to see who it was. He just continued watching the drops of rain slide down the window, knowing Sirius was watching him.

"I'm fine." Sirius snorted, and Harry could hear his footsteps getting louder as he got closer. His godfather paused next to him and looked out the window as well. 

"You know as well as I that no one ever means that. Now tell me what's on your mind." Harry side-glanced at him, before returning his gaze to the falling rain. He had to choose his words carefully.

"Can I ask you something?" 

"You can ask me anything, Harry. I've got no secrets with you." Harry nodded and turned to face him.

"You and Remus...what _are_ you two, exactly?" This was clearly not the question Sirius had been expecting, but Harry was more observant than people took him for. He noticed things, especially with those two. The blush and stutter was a clear answer for Harry, but he let Sirius continue anyway. He wanted to know what he'd say, if he really would tell him the truth.

"Harry, I...we...huh?"

"I said, what are you two?" The fifteen-year-old stared at his father's closest friend, raising an eyebrow.

"I...I'm gay." Harry nodded, not surprised in the slightest.

"Thank you for enlightening me, Sirius, but that is not what I asked you. Shall I repeat myself?"

"You don't care?"

"No. Now, are you going to answer my question?" Sirius didn't say anything for a few seconds, his mouth agape as he stared at his godson, more confused than he'd ever been in his life. Well, except for the time Lily had agreed to go out with Prongs. _That_ was definitely the most confusing thing he'd ever witnessed.

"Well, we're...dating," he said, though it came out as more of a question. 

"Right. How many people are aware of your relationship?" 

"You. Well, and Remus, of course." If Harry was surprised by this, he didn't show it. Though, he hadn't shown much emotion at all this summer, and Sirius would be lying if he said it wasn't worrying him.

"Now answer me this. Currently, I am the only other person that knows of your relationship. Let's say, hypothetically, that it wasn't even common knowledge you two were friends. And then, one day, Remus died. Tell me, how would you go about handling that?" If Sirius hadn't been so oblivious, he might have been able to put two and two together. Or maybe he was just focusing on the question, Harry didn't really know. 

"Well, I'd feel...sad, obviously, because he died. And I'd be frustrated that no one would comfort me, because they wouldn't have known how close we were. I'd be trapped...in my own thoughts and feelings." Harry nodded slowly, processing everything. Sirius, though puzzled, gave a small smile at the thought of how deep what he said was. Well, in his opinion, anyway.

"And, what if you'd watched him die, right before your eyes?"

"Well, that be worse, I suppose. I'd have the image of him dying in my head forever, always there to taunt me when it wants to. But Harry, where exactly is this coming from? Your questions are very...specific." Harry turned away, watching the rain again. Sirius watched him, perplexed and slightly annoyed with the boy.

"Harry, you got to ask me questions, I think it's my turn now. And you never did tell me what was on your mind. I can't help but feel you changed the subject just to get out of it."

"I didn't." Harry's voice was small, strained, and Sirius took note of the silent tears that were now making their way down Harry's cheeks. He panicked a bit, for he never was good at comforting others when they were crying. He nearly went to get Moony for help, but he couldn't help but feel this was meant to be a private exchange, not meant for others to know about.

"You can go get him, I know you want to," the smaller Gryffindor said, knowing Padfoot needed the extra help to understand. Remus would know, he was smart like that, always figuring things out. He'd done it in third year, and he'd do it again.

Sirius's face relaxed, and he left to go find the werewolf, leaving Harry alone for a short while. Though he wiped the tears away, it didn't stop more from falling. He could hear voices gradually getting louder, and soon Sirius was back, a puzzled Remus walking beside him.

"Hello, Harry. May I ask why I'm here? Padfoot just said you needed me, and then he spluttered nonsense the entire way here." Harry didn't trust his own voice, and he knew he'd probably splutter nonsense as well if he opened his mouth. He went for a different approach.

"I know you two are-" He stopped in between every word to let out another shaky breath, but he couldn't finish what he was saying. His lip began to tremble, and he bit it to try and make it stop. He wanted to be in control of his emotions, and he definitely was not at the moment.

"Sirius! We agreed we were going to tell him _together_ over Christmas break!"

"I know, but he kept asking and it was all so confusing. He's very persistent, did you know? Then he asked even more confusing questions, and then he started crying, and I didn't know what to do!"

"Crying?" Remus asked, looking at Harry again.

"Yes, and then he said I could go get you, so I did."

"What made him cry, Padfoot?" Remus's eyes hadn't left Harry, and he studied the boy. He was looking out of a window, on a rainy day, crying. It seemed all too cliche, and the man might have laughed if the situation wasn't so melancholy.

"Well, I'm not sure, we were only talking about our relationship. I'd come into the room to talk to Harry, and I said he was getting off-topic, but he said he wasn't and started to cry." If it weren't for Remus staring at him, Harry might have thought they'd forgotten he was there. 

"What do you mean, you talked about our relationship? I need details, or I won't be able to figure out what's going on, Sirius."

"Okay, calm down. We were talking about what would happen if you'd died, and I'd seen it. I really don't see how this is important, I-" 

"Cedric," Moony whispered, more to himself than anyone else.

"Diggory? Moony, I really don't think this relates to remotely _anything_ I'm talking about."

"Shut up, you prat," Remus whispered furiously, before walking up to Harry, much like Sirius had done just a few moments ago.

"Moony, what are you doing? I haven't finished yet!" Remus rolled his eyes and approached the smaller boy. He placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, making Harry jump slightly, before turning his head to look up at Remus. He could see it in his eyes. The pain, the vulnerability, the silenced suffering.

He wanted to ask if they'd been together or not, but he decided against it. Too much too soon, he reasoned. Instead, he pulled Harry into his chest and wrapped his arms around him.

"Yes." It was faint, barely audible, but Remus found himself smiling despite the situation. Harry always knew, though it was a mystery how.

"What's going on? Am I missing something?" Sirius asked, coming to join them on the other side of the room.

"You're always missing something," Remus pointed out, and Sirius placed a hand on his heart and gasped. Always such a drama queen, he was. Harry chuckled, and pulled back from his old professor's embrace. He frowned when he saw the man's shirt, which was now wet from his own tears.

"Sorry about your shirt." Remus looked down, as though he hadn't even noticed until then.

"It's perfectly alright, just a little wet. Nothing a little magic won't fix." And with a swish of his wand, the werewolf's shirt was completely dry again.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on here?" Sirius huffed, annoyed. He folded his arms and looked at both of them expectantly. Remus looked at Harry, and the boy gave a small nod, deeming it okay.

"Sirius, when Harry was asking you those questions, I think he was trying to get you to understand how he felt, or hint at what the real problem was. You being you, it doesn't surprise me you couldn't figure it out. What I'm trying to say is, well...do you know what happened to Cedric Diggory at Hogwarts a few months ago?"

"Well, yeah. Doesn't everyone? He died."

"Precisely. Now I want you to think really hard about the questions Harry asked you, and please, for the love of Merlin, just try to connect the dots." Sirius thought for a full five minutes before something seemed to click in his brain, and he looked at Harry with wide eyes.

"Can I ask you a question, Harry?" The boy nodded.

"You and Cedric...what _were_ you two, exactly?" Harry might have laughed at the fact that Padfoot had thrown his own words back at him, if it weren't for the small modification. _Were_.

"We were together for six months, since the end of November." Sirius nodded slowly, though his expression was one of shock. Even Remus seemed surprised at how long they'd been together.

"How many people are aware of your relationship?"

"You, and Remus, of course," Harry said, giving a small smile. 

"Not even Ron or Hermione?"

"No, but I'm sure Hermione had her suspicions. We were careful though, it was well hidden."

"I see. You saw it happen then?" Harry gave him an incredulous look but nodded anyway.

"He...Pettigrew used the killing curse. I saw him later after I dueled Voldemort, my parents, too. They were these ghost things, and he told me to bring his body back to his parents." 

"Wow, that's...are you alright, Harry?"

"I'll be okay."

" _Will be_ and _am_ are two different things."

"Then no, I'm not alright. Was that what you wanted to hear?" Harry snapped. He mumbled a sorry afterward and went back to staring out the window.

The rest of the summer went by quickly, but painfully slow as well. Hermione and Ron could tell something was off, but he said it was nothing. The Daily Prophet was calling him mental, saying Voldemort wasn't back and that he and Dumbledore were lying lunatics. He had his trial and was able to continue his schooling at Hogwarts, though Dumbledore hardly even looked at him the entire time. He seemed perfectly content with ignoring him these days.

Hogwarts was an absolute nightmare. Umbridge was the new DADA teacher, and people were either ignoring him or calling him crazy. It got even worse that night when they were in the dorms, and Seamus decided to open his big mouth.

"Me mum didn't want me to come back this year."

"Why?" Harry asked, genuinely curious.

"Because of you and Dumbledore, says the both of you've gone loony."

"Because of the Daily Prophet, right? She thinks I'm a liar and Dumbledore's an old fool."

"Well, yeah."

"What about you, you believe it?"

"I mean, we don't know what actually happened. You could have just made the whole thing up..."

"And what about Cedric, huh?" Harry choked out. "You think he just dropped dead?"

"Who knows, maybe you killed him." Harry jerked liked he'd been punched in the gut. 

"I didn't kill him," he growled, stepping closer to Seamus. "I had to watch him die, then witness Voldemort come back, and then I had to bring his dead body back to Hogwarts because he asked me to. If you think, for one second, that killing him would even cross my mind, then you're bloody mad."

"Makes sense, really. With your crush on Cho, I bet you were just itching to get rid of him," Seamus replied, looking right at him.

"I don't fancy Cho, and even if I did, I wouldn't kill him. They weren't even dating."

"They practically were, that's what Cho said anyway. He was single, and they'd gone to the ball together."

"I don't give a damn what Cho says, they weren't together. Bloody hell, he wasn't even single!" Harry was about to rip his hair out, he was so frustrated. Everything was going horribly, he was ruining it all. This is why he needed his emotions in check, he was going to slip up.

"Yeah, sure he wasn't. Like you would know, anyway. You talked to him, what, twice?" Harry almost screamed, he just needed to _get out of here_. He turned and headed for the door, but Seamus stopped him, shutting the door and locking it with his wand. Harry tried it anyway, but it wouldn't budge. The room was silent, the other just watched their encounter.

"Will you let me out?" Harry asked, the irritation clear in his voice.

"No, not until you explain what the hell is going on. You can't just run away from your problems."

"I'm not saying anything; just let me out. You really want to be locked in here with a murderer? According to you, anyway."

"Well, what'd you expect everyone to believe? You both leave, and when you come back, Cedric's dead and in your arms!"

"Why do you even care, Seamus? You didn't know him at all! Did you even say one word to him when he was here?" Seamus scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"You act as though you knew him so much better than the rest of us."

"Will you just _shut up_?! I did; I knew him better than everyone in this bloody school! Just open this fucking door and let me out!"

"And you said you weren't a liar. I bet you didn't even know the color of his eyes." Seamus turned away to get ready for bed.

"Grey, but he said they were bluer as a kid. Once, in his second year, he'd done a spell wrong, and turned his eyes yellow for a month." Harry's voice was just above a whisper, but the room was so silent, everyone had heard him.

Seamus turned back around, and all four of them looked at Harry. Realizing he'd gone too far, Harry tried to cover it up.

"I mean, they were grey, everyone knew that. Common knowledge, all of it. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go to bed now."

"Harry, mate. I don't think any of that was 'common knowledge.' How did you know all that stuff? We weren't here during Cedric's second year, and we definitely didn't know him as kids," Ron said softly, staring intently at Harry, who mentally cursed.

"I-just forget it. I'm tired."

"Harry, how'd you know that stuff?" This time it was Neville who asked.

"Because he told me, obviously. I'm going to bed now." And with that, he climbed into his bed and shut the curtains. He laid down and scowled at the hot tears that were falling from his eyes. He was tired, but he didn't want to go to sleep. So instead, he listened to the boys talking. He frowned when he realized they were talking about him.

"He's been through a lot Seamus, and this isn't helping." That was Ron's voice.

"You believe him then?"

"Course I do, he's my best mate. He's not a liar."

"But what about the Cedric thing. You don't really believe he knew him best out of everyone in the school, do you?" And that was Dean.

"I wouldn't really know. Who knows what he did when I was ignoring him? He could've been with him, and I wouldn't have known."

"Yes, but Cedric had other friends. Even if Harry had known Cedric better than us, the bloke had friends that had known him for way longer." Harry really wished Seamus would shut his mouth. 

"All I know is that Harry isn't a liar. And do you really think Harry could have come up with all that stuff earlier on the spot?" Harry thought he could have, he'd done it before with his aunt and uncle. But it was probably a good thing Ron didn't know that.

"I believe you, Ron." Neville. Harry smiled, and Ron caught his eye through the curtains. They looked at each other for a few seconds, before a voice interrupted the silence that had settled over the room, causing Ron's eyes to dart towards the speaker.

"I believe you too, Ron. We've known Harry for years, and the Daily Prophet's always coming up with random bullshit." 

"Dean, you're supposed to side with _me_ on this," Seamus whined, and Harry rolled his eyes.

"I'm siding with the truth, Shay. It's not my problem you won't."

"You really believe the whole Cedric thing?"

"I believe Harry. If he lied, then we don't have to trust him again. But he's never lied to us before, so why would he start?"

"But-"

"For Merlin's sake, Seamus, will you _shut_ up?" Dean snapped, and Harry rolled over in his bed, taking another thirty minutes to fall asleep due to the muffled voices and pure reluctance.

\+ + +

Harry's eyes snapped open as he shot up quickly, legs tangled in the sheets of his bed. He closed his eyes and focused on slowing his breathing as a few tears escaped out of the corners of his eyes. He visibly jumped when something touched his arms, his eyes opening and darting to the source.

It was a pale, almost pink, hand dotted with dozens of freckles. His eyes traveled up the hand to the face of Ron, then to the rest of his dorm mates, who were all crowded around his bed. 

"You alright, mate? You were screaming and thrashing around a whole lot," the ginger somnolently muttered before letting out a large yawn. Harry felt bad for waking them all up. Well, he didn't mind waking Seamus up, as he thought that was well deserved.

"I'm fine," the boy who was drenched in sweat replied, though anyone could see he wasn't. There was a tense silence before _someone_ decided to open their big fat mouth again.

"You were screaming Cedric's name," Seamus muttered, and Harry's watery eyes snapped to him. He opened his mouth to reply but closed it again after a few seconds.

"Maybe we should leave him alone, guys," Neville suggested in a soft, groggy tone. Dean nodded and walked away from Harry's bed, dragging a protesting Seamus along with him. Harry looked at Ron expectantly, though Ron only moved closer, slipping into the bed and wrapping his arms around him.

Harry's lip trembled, and he buried his face into the taller boy's chest. Ron held on a little tighter, but the grip relaxed when he fell asleep only moments later, leaving Harry wide awake and alone in the dark. Gods, he really hated the dark.

It took Harry another hour to fall asleep, and the boys' snoring wasn't any help to that. He could already tell this year was going to be unpleasant.


End file.
